We asked the hard-hitting questions at Dew Tour 2019

We headed to Long Beach last week to get amongst the action at Dew Tour. As skateboarding’s first global Olympic qualifying event in the USA, it was somewhat of a formal affair as skateboarders went head-to-head for those sweet, sweet points on the park and street courses.

Armed with a very official media pass and a list of crowd-sourced questions, we cornered a few ladies of shred, from industry legends to contest judges, and asked the real hard-hitting questions. Because a serious skateboarding competition, deserves real serious coverage.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Woah! Sliced bread! Ummm… probably Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs with the little present inside. Was that something before sliced bread?

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
Oh man! I was talking about that with Jenn [Soto] yesterday. I think there are different dimensions and it keeps switching up which one you’re in.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
I don’t know the flavors now. I don’t think we have that in Belgium. Man… why is this so hard? It probably already exists but I really make mango. I don’t know if they have that and it’s not really special. Or maybe bumble gum or something. Something nasty.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
Are they clean or are they dirty? [Laughs] Probably the toilet.

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
Woah! I have to think about that one. I’ll take the big one.

What is your least favorite word?
These are cool questions! I’ve never thought about that one. Probably “rent.”

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
I already feel like a potato.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Surfing! I don’t know if that came before. What came first, the bread or the surfing? You could probably surf a piece of bread.

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
It’s, like, flat.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
Meatloaf.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
I love airplane food. I would definitely eat it. But do the drinks come with it too? Airplane drinks? Then yes, yes, YES!

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
Can I just play duck-duck-goose with them all?

What is your least favorite word?
People don’t like “moist” but I like “moist.” I guess I don’t like words I don’t understand or can’t spell, which are most words.

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
As long as I was in a burrito, I wouldn’t care what I was.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
[Long pause] Wow, hard-hitting questions. I was not prepared for this. Corgis?

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
Like a popsicle.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
I’m so unprepared for this! Umm… Wow. Umm… Ah. My brain’s not even… I’m trying to think of a witty answer and it’s not coming. [Blank stare] You got me stumped. Strawberry! Do they already have strawberry? I like strawberries.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
Airplane food!

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
100 duck-sized horses.

What is your least favorite word?
[Long pause] You’re going to have to sit through like, 5 hours of audio to transcribe 3 questions. I think my brain is fried from being here. It’s going in circles right now. My goodness. Who came up with these questions? [About 5 minutes later Lisa confirmed her least favorite word is “goodbye”]

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
Look like a potato.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Wait, pause it. I need to think about this. I wasn’t expecting this! [Short pause] Oat milk.

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
Like a popsicle.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
Shit! Pomegranate.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
Airplane food. I hate porta-potties! I haven’t pee’d this entire time I’ve been here because there are porta-potties here. I just won’t do it.

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
100 horse-sized ducks? Wait, what? 100 duck-sized horses. Because then you can just kind of “brush them aside,” you know? I don’t wanna say “punt” because then I’ll have PETA up my ass.

What is your least favorite word?
“Moist.”

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
Feel like a potato. What? I don’t want to look like a potato!

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Film.

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
I’d have to say, spherical.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
Passionfruit? They already have that don’t they. Well, parsley.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
This is a really tough one. I’d have to go with the airplane food option, I think. Yes. With a nice toilet. Just based on my experience at Dew Tour.

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
100 duck-sized horses, yes.

What is your least favorite word?
“Can’t.”

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
Look like one, for sure!

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
A whole loaf of bread.

Is time circular, linear, spherical, or like a popsicle?
Like a popsicle. Once you get to the middle of it, it’s just a joke.

You have to invent the next flavor of LaCroix. What is it?
Dog fart.

Would you rather only eat airplane food for the rest of your life or only use porta-potties?
Oh my god. Probably the porta-potty.

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
[Laughs] 100 duck-sized horses.

What is your least favorite word?
“Smok.” I also don’t like the word “blouse,” either.

Would you rather look like a potato or feel like a potato?
I’d rather feel like a potato.

Oh what fun! Thanks to all the ladies that took the time to get real serious with us. Solid performances all round. 

In all serious seriousness though, there was also some incredible skateboarding that went down at Dew Tour in women’s park and women’s street (the guys were great too, but you can read about that elsewhere). Zorah Olivia and Olga Aguilar were there to capture the action and you can check out their photos over here.